


Who Saves The Savior?

by ibelieve_whiteflag_aslansdefender



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: #NeverForgotten, Abuse, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullying, But not forever, Drunk Tony, F/M, Falling Apart, Flash Thompson Redemption, Flash Thompson needs help, Good Peter, Happy Ending, He's like the only one, Heartbroken Peter Parker, Homeless Peter Parker, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt Peter, I promise, May left, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, No Sex, No Smut, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker acting as Tony's Parental figure, Peter Tries, Peter abandoned, Peter saves tony, Poor Peter Parker, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Ned Leeds, Protective Peter Parker, Ratings: PG, STAYSAFE, Sad with a Happy Ending, Scared Peter Parker, Selfless Peter Parker, Sick Character, Sick Peter, Sick Tony, Spidermanbrave, Tony doesn't listen, Tony needs help, Worried Ned Leeds, after Pepper, alchoholic anger, alone peter parker, avengers are out of the picture, barely holding it together, brave spiderman, critisism highly encouraged, depression prevention, determined Peter, done cleanly i swear, flash thompson bully, for a while, happy ending i swear, helpless peter, i stole that from another amazing fanfiction that made me cry, ironman's not invincible, lolipops, no acting on depression/suicidal thoughts, no cussing, no gay - Freeform, possibly depression/suicidalthoughts, sorry - Freeform, sorry not my thing but absolutely no judging, sorry still not my thing, that's not really a thing but depression support, things do get better i swear, who helps peter, who saves peter, who saves the hero, worried Ned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-11-09 05:41:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17995970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ibelieve_whiteflag_aslansdefender/pseuds/ibelieve_whiteflag_aslansdefender
Summary: Spiderman is strong. Spiderman is brave.Spiderman always knows what to do.But Spiderman can’t save,The Boy beneath the red and blue.After Pepper leaves, Tony falls apart, leaving Peter to try to glue the shattered fragments.But meddling with glass is tricky.You can force the thing together again, but it won't ever be the same.And all your hands will be is bloody.





	1. When Everything Is Splintering

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> PLEASE READ MY NOTES!! CRITICAL!! BEFORE YOU READ MY STORY!!! PLEASE!!
> 
> Hi guys! So anyway, I have a couple of things i need to explain. First off, I mean no offense in this work to any race, religion, gender, or sexuality. Absolutely none. If you find anything in here offensive, please know that I did not mean it as such, and PLEASE let me know so I can fix it. I will fix it, I swear. 
> 
> Second of all, this book deals with some tough things, including several addictions (not Peter) to alchohal and smoking, it includes one, brief attempted rape- I promise that it shows nothing, describes nothing- it is only a reference to it before Peter saves the day, but if any of these things are triggers or just not things you want in your life, please feel free to leave, I will not be offended, and above all STAY SAFE!!!! Seriously, I'd infinately rather no one read this dumb story if all of you keep your beautiful, precious lives. 
> 
> Thirdly, this deals with some depression and possibly suicidal thoughts, I promise there will be NO actions on them, but again, if this triggers you, please please please stay safe, okay? I will not be offended at all if you cut out for your safety or because this just isn't your scene! I've done it on fanfics before too.
> 
> Fourth, I'm going to be dealing with some hard stuff here, but my story is one about finding hope and recovery and that there's always someone in your corner, this is why I've rated it as I have, if anyone feels this is misleading or incorrect, please let me know so I can change it!! Also, if anyone feels I deviate from this goal, then please let me know and I'll try to get back on track.
> 
> Fifth, if any of you are having a hard time with any of the above listed struggles, I know that they are real. I know that it's hard. I know that it hurts. And I know you can get help. If anyone ever needs to talk about anything, hard or serious or just goofing off and having fun, message me! I'd love to hear from you! 
> 
>  
> 
> Also, this is the first time I have ever in my entire life written for the marvel/spiderman fandom! I've been addicted for a while now, but only just NOW got brave enough to do something about it. So please, I KNOW this is gonna be brim full of mistakes, i would LOVE to hear about where I went wrong and how to fix it so I can write better in the future.
> 
> Also, this is all non-betaed, I don't really actually know anyone on this site and I'm ridiculously shy (except when you get me behind a laptop, then I can't seem to shut up:)) so I didn't really have anyone I could ask, so anyway, all the mistakes are my own.
> 
> I also gain no profit from this,I write purely for me, and as much as I wish, I do not own marvel, or any of it's characters, the only thing I own is this plot.
> 
> Wow! You made it! Now you can actually read the story! Well, assuming you actually did read it, we should have a code word or something so I can tell if you leave a comment if you read this note. :) Um, if your interested in proclaiming you are one of the few patient people in this world and you actually read this, comment, um... 'Nightlight' down at the bottom:). I literally just looked up and picked the first thing I could see.

Who Saves The Savior?

 

**Chapter One: When Everything Is Splintering**

“I can see the ground.”

_ Sharp. Wet. Shattered glass glittering in red. It pools- thickens… reflects _

“Good- your doing great, Peter. Four things you can hear.”

“Your voice.”

_ Tony’s screams, murders laugh...May’s sobs _

“Three more, your gonna be okay Peter- you’re gonna be okay.”

“The bell. Laughing. People walking.”

_ Sirens, screams, thudding as he wasn’t fast enough- thud thudthudthudth- _

“Hey, great. You’re almost done, Peter. Three things you can touch.”

Peter tightened his trembling fingers around Ned’s knee. Ned’s hand immediatly covered it.

“You.”

_ Locking around him, bruising, smashing, shattering _

“The locker. My shirt.”

_ Locked, trapped, alone, cold  _

“Your almost there- your okay. Two things you can smell.”

“Sweat. Perfume.”

_ Blood, wine, red, glittering, dripping _

“Yes, yes- okay, one thing you can taste.”

“Salt.” 

The tears had dried but the taste still rang in his mouth.

_ Salt.  _

“Hey, you did it. Good job, Peter. You did it. Your okay, are you doing a little bit better?” Ned’s voice was soft and low. It didn’t assult Peter to catch his attention. Easy to focus on.

Peter slowly twisted his head towards his friend beside him. 

“Yeah. A little.” His heart still pounded erratically, adrenaline still flooded his system. His Spider Sense still  _ on _ , thrumming through him, screaming  **danger danger danger** everywhere he looked. His muscles still twitched against his bidding, desperate to fight enemies that weren’t there. But Ned was beside him, worry burning in his eyes, his voice wavering slightly as he tried to keep it steady.

So it helped. Ned needed it to help.

Ned sighed in relief.

“Dude… do you know what caused it? Is something wrong with-” he glanced around at the deserted hallway before leaning in closer to Peter to whisper: “you know… do you need backup?”

Peter’s heart shuddered and swelled, instinctivly filling with warmth.

It’d been so long since anybody cared about him.

Peter caught himself and forced the feeling away. Steeling himself with the cold truth before he caved in and spilled everything. Of course Ned cared, but it was his responsibility to protect the people. To fix things.

And he was going to fix this.

“Nah man, just a bad sensory day, I’m okay...”

“Well, do you want me to call Aunt May or something? You should take it easy today.”

Call aunt May. Peter scoffed darkly but not a breath escaped his lips. Why would she answer now when she hadn’t the last 47 times?

“Nah, she’s working the double shift. I’ll just head home and ride it out.”

Ned frowned, his brows creasing in concern.

“Dude, you can crash at my place-” he started but Peter shook his head, pulling away and slowly clambering to his feet. Ned scrambled up with him.

“No, it’s alright, I’ll be okay.” 

“Are you sure-”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. See you tomorrow.” Peter escaped, leaving the last person who cared alone in the hall.

***

The webshooters ran out of fluid just as he crashed through the open window on the twenty second floor. Peter sighed heavily with relief. If that had happened twenty seconds ago…

“Welcome back Peter, would you like for me to alert Tony you’re here?”

“No! Ah, no thanks, Friday, I’m heading down to the lab anyway.”

“Very well.”

Peter sighed with relief, but his body took over before he could fully experiance it. Terror flooded his veins, fighting with the adrenaline already coursing through him. His heart started thumping wildly- a marching beat to the caos running rampage in his head. 

_ Tony’s screams, murderers laugh...May’s sobs, Locking around him, trapped, alone, cold, Blood, wine, red, glittering, dripping,  bruising, smashing, shattering Tony’s screams, murderers laugh...May’s sobs, Locking around him, trapped, alone, cold, Blood, wine, red, glittering, dripping, bruising, smashing, shatteringTony’sscreamsmurdererslaughMay’ssobslockingaroundhimtrappedalonecoldbloodwineredglitteringdrippingbruisingsmashingshattering _

“Peter, you seem to be exhibiting signs of stress or panic, would you like for me to alert Tony?”

“N-nn-oh.” Peter gasped, a new, deeper panic lancing through him. If Tony found him like this-  _ Tony’s screams, red, glittering, dripping…  _

“The Baby Monitor Program-”

“Override…” Peter coughed. Breath breath breath

_ C’mon Spiderman! Get it together! You can’t help him like this! _

“Override code required.”

“Iron Patriot’s Idiot Protection Alpha 911.”Peter whispered, praying to heaven above it hadn’t changed since Rhodey had given it to him.  **_Danger Danger Danger_ **

Friday was silent for a moment before, as reluctantly as he’d ever heard her, she said:

“Override code verified. Baby Monitor Program de-activated.”

_ Breath Spiderman- breath! Your tougher than a couple of drinks and some glass- get a hold of yourself. You’re needed- do you hear me? He needs Spiderman! _

_ Your the only one who can save him and you are not going to get stopped by a few influenced words!  _

Another voice filtered into his conciousness. Friday.

“Breath, Peter. In through your nose- your smelling the flowers. Now breath out, through your mouth. Your blowing out the candle.”  **_Danger Danger Dan-_ ** “what?”Peter gasped, distracted from his screaming senses and the terrible memories colliding with his attempts at calming himself.

“Breath Peter. Here, listen to my voice Peter. Close your eyes and listen to my voice. I need you to breath. I’ll be right with you. In through your nose- your smelling the flowers. Their sweet. They smell like earth, grounding you. You live on earth. Now breath out through your mouth. Your blowing out the candle. It flickers and dances as you sing it to sleep with your breath.

Your one of many creatures on earth. You are not alone. Like the candle and the flower, you have a purpose. You feel the wood floor beneath your feet. It’s strong and sturdy. Dependable.”It was. Hard and strong. It wouldn’t splinter apart under the weight of his troubles.

“You can see painting across you on the wall. It’s colors are soft, they blend together delicately, comfortingly. They won’t hurt you.”He’d hated that dull painting, but it’s pastel colors were soft. Not screaming at him or needing everything from him. Just there.

“You can smell the earth. It’s where you belong. It’s where your safe. It’s home.”

He actually could smell dirt in the sterile office. His eyes widened as he realized he was thinking sentiently again. His thudding heart had stilled, the adrenaline crashing through him had ebbed. The pain and panic lancing through his stomach had stopped. 

“You can hear the stillness. The quiet. The calm.”

Calm.

“You are like the sea. You are calm and wide. You are one with your surroundings. And they are one with you. You are in control of yourself and your life. You are well. You are safe.”

Friday let her voice slowly drift off before saying:

“Your heart rate and blood pressure have returned to normal peramiters, are you feeling better?”

He was.

He was okay. For the first time in a month and seventeen days, peace filled his heart, driving away the panic. Clarity filled his mind, driving away the memories.  Strength filled his body. He wasn’t weak. He wasn’t helpless. He was okay. He was safe. He was well. 

“Yeah, I actually am.” Giddiness? Relief? Something bubbled up inside Peter and he laughed. Really laughed.

“I am glad, Peter. Now that you are functioning within recommended peramiters, would you like your Override update on Tony?”

Peter nodded, he was ready.

“Tony Stark has been exhibiting behaviors of extreme grief avoidance after Pepper Potts disconnected their engagement and retired as CEO of Stark Interprises-”

Peter nodded. He knew this much.

“He has locked himself in his lab, with all outside influences locked out, the exception being the Iron Patriot’s Idiot Protection Override. He drink excessivly until he makes himself sick and then works on the high until he crashes. When he wakes up he begins the process again. He hasn’t sustained any substinence other than alchohal in three days straight, and hasn’t had any food in over a week and a half.”

Peter winced as she listed how bad Tony was. 

Sparks, he had to save him. 

“As such, Boss has made himself sick.”

Not surprising- he wouldn’t be human if he hadn’t-

“And if he continues as he is now it will be terminal.”

Okay he could- then Peter realized what she'd said and his whole world crashed to a stop.

  _T_ _ erminal?! _

 

 


	2. Chapter Two: Super Glue Cracks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’ll help you.”  
> "Why?"  
> “Because you remind me of someone I can’t save.”

Spiderman left. He should have stayed- Tony needed him to stay- but he left.

Spiderman swung from his one working webshooter high above the shadowy streets below. A month ago he would’ve swung close to the ground. 

Where he could hear the drunken singing and the children laughing and the vendors calling. Where he could smell the spicy fragrences of their merchandices mingling with high end perfumes and gasoline. Where the wind in his face tasted like smog and people and freedom. Where he could see the couples strolling, the dogs chasing, the apartments with the lights on and the silouetts of his people inside, happy and safe. 

He would’ve loved to swing right amidst it all, soaking up the city that, for all it’s smog, and politics, and moods, and bad guys- was his home.

But life had changed. Broke. Splintered. And he didn’t have time to relish in their vibrance. They were alive. It was his job to keep them that way. He was Spiderman. He saved people. 

_ But… sometimes saving them isn’t only pulling them away from a bullet. Sometimes they need more. _ Peter’s voice whispered in his- their-Peter’s head.

_ No- sorry. Patrols is Spiderman. Patrols is Spiderman. _ Peter thought, pushing himself down and setting his features beneath the mask. He needed to be Spiderman. His people needed saving and Peter- Peter couldn’t do it. 

_ That’s not true. _ The voice that was him but he couldn’t let it be said quietly as Peter tried to give himself back to the mask. Get his head in the game.

_ Look, I save them from the bullets. And you work on the real life stuff.  _ Spiderman said, still refusing to take over. 

Peter’s heart shuddered in his chest. His mind flashed back to the lab, the screams echoing in his mind. He shoved them away forcing his attention to the ground. Away from the screams.

_ Take over already. Their going to need you.  _ He thought desperately trying to shove control back to the vigilante. 

_ Look, that’s not your fault, okay? And you can fix this.  _

_ No! I left him! I found out and I just- _

_ That’s not your fault- none of this is your fault! Not May or Mr. Stark being sick- _

_ If I were enough none of it would- _

Screams. They echoed up from the alley on fifth and crashed into Peter, untapping the reserve on his heart and releasing adrenaline through his veins. 

_ Okay.  _ Spiderman finished, wryly, but the words seemed to offer a piece of comfort as he took over. The wind whistled against him as he dove for the ground, coolness sharpening his senses, grounding him. Leaving his mind clear and alert, his instincts charged. 

The screams started again. Cries now. 

Spiderman swung into the alley, dropping silently to a crouch onto the cracked pavement. Only a few feet away was a large man in a dark hoodie, pinning someone to the wall, his mass blocking all but the person’s legs.

“...please- please! I- I don’t have… my father-  _ please… _ ” The victim’s voice sounded familiar but Spiderman shoved the realization away, leaving his thoughts clear, and his perception unhindered. 

“Daddy can’t save you now, sweet. No one will even hear your screams. Your worthless- you hear me? And if you think anyone will love you once I’m done with you-”

“Oh bravo-” Spiderman drawled, rising to his feet and slowly swaggering to them. The man stiffened and whirled, revealing his victim. A dark skinned, shirtless boy, about their age, his chest black and blue, his nose bleeding and his left eye swollen shut, three hickeys shining in the dark. 

“That was amazing!” Spiderman gushed, walking ever closer.

“Stay back or I’ll kill you!” The man’s face contorted with fury and the hand that wasn’t pinning the kid fisted meanacingly.

“Wow- great job. I’ll give you a moment to heal, it must have been so painful to give away your only brain-cell.”

“I’m not afraid of you Bug-boy- your just as pathetic as Sweetie over-”whatever he was going to say next was lost and Spiderman lunged into action, one hand fisting on the man’s sleeve, pulling him away from the boy, who crumpled to the dirty pavement, curling up in the fetal position and whimpering. Then he slammed him up against the brick wall, the man’s head smashed into it and he blinked dazidly, one pupil swelling. 

“Aw, darn, I thought you’d be a Big Friendly Giant like Andre and Hagrid but you don’t seem to be a very nice dummy. I think we’d best let some time in jail teach you a few things.” Spiderman said, pulling his other arm back and sending it crashing into the man’s head. The man’s eyes rolled to the back of his, head and his dead weight collapsed onto the vigilante. He let him smush to the pavement before crouching beside him, taking the man’s wrist and checking for a pulse. Peter panicked in his head.

_ Did you kill him? Oh heavens- _

Spiderman brushed the fear away, he’d done what he’d had to do. 

But they both breathed a sigh of relief when he felt a pulse. 

_ He’s alive. _ Peter thought, relief burning through Spiderman’s blood, seeming to soothe the adrenaline. Leaving him only feeling weak and tired. 

He always felt tired.

Spiderman stood up and webbed the man until he was cocooned in white. Effectivly tied up. He turned the webshooter  to the wall above him to write out what the man had done, but the webshooter made a strange clicking noise and did nothing. He frowned and tried again.

Nothing.

“Aw, c’mon!” He growled, trying his right hand’s, which, thankfully,shot out a white stream.

**_QCPD: Caught Attempting Rape, I think you know what to do with him- Spiderman._ **

_ Great, now the other webshooter’s broken! We have to go back!  _ Peter moaned, dread echoing in his thoughts.

_ Well… we were already going back,  _ Spiderman thought realistically trying to soothe Peter’s panic.  _ We’re not going to stop comming back until we save him.  _ Peter’s heart started hammering, his thoughts disjointed, the screams echoing in his ears. 

_ We’re gonna save him. _ Spiderman vowed forcing himself to believe it was true. There was no other option. They’d never stop until they did. His determination seemed to calm Peter slightly, who let himself be stifled down without complaint as Spiderman turned back to the victim.

Before the victim had been blocked, and after Spiderman had only been able to catch on quick, adrenaline-filled glance at him. But now familiar features stood out like a neon camilion.

The huddled, shaking, filthy, shirtless, sobbing victim beneath him was none other than Flash Thompson.

And suddenly Peter was in control.

_ What- Spiderman!  _

_ I can’t deal with him or I’ll hurt him, remember! _

_ When he’s being a punk at school- not when we’re in the suit!  _ But Spiderman didn’t answer. 

Peter scowled.

“C’mon Peter, you don’t need him. You can do it.” He muttered so softly only his Spider Senses could’ve heard it.

But his mind flashed back to the lab, and he heard the terrible screams start to reverberate in his head, a mantra. A sick battle cry on rewind again and again and-

Peter shoved the words away, stealing a breath and forcing the thoughts down.

He could do this. This wasn’t even what he was scared of. As hard as Flash tried he was the least of things Peter had to stand up against.

Peter didn’t need Spiderman for his bully.

Peter knelt down beside him and Flash cried on, unaware, muttering nonsense.

“Hello, er...  _ Sir _ \- your safe now. He can’t hurt you anymore.”Peter stuttered slightly, trying to keep his voice low and comforting. Flash continued on, oblivious. Slowly, wondering why on earth fate had decided to give him  _ Flash _ of all people, he reached out and gently- rested a hand on Flash’s shoulder.

Flash flinched, jerking away from the touch so violently he ‘d have slammed into the wall behind him if Peter didn’t shoot a web to coushin him at the last second.

“Whoa, whoa, hey easy- easy, it’s just me, it’s just Spiderman!”Peter cried, throwing his hands in the air, his heart wishing he was Spiderman. The wild terror in Flash’s eyes stayed for a moment, before slowly ebbing away.

“Spiderman?” He gasped raggedly.

His breath reeked.

Peter reeled back, his eyes popping out, all noise stopped, a thick, heavy-weight pressing against his ears, his heart staggered and mind disapeared back in time.

Tony’s screams… Sharp... Wet... Shattered glass glittering in red… Terminal. Terminal. Sirens, screams, thudding as he wasn’t fast enough- thud thudthudthudth- Terminal. Terminal. Red. Sharp. Wet. Terminal-

_ No- no Peter- Your okay.  He isn’t Tony! He isn’t Tony! Look, I don’t know how to talk you down from a panic attack so you just have to breath, okay? We’re gonna be fine. We’re going to save Tony. This isn’t Tony. This is just Flash-  _ Spiderman’s voice echoed in their mind, his tone soft as he tried to sooth the erratic clanging of their heart.

_ Why would- he was almost- and Mr. Stark’s- why would...  _ **_anyone_ ** _ do this to themselves?!  _  Peter screamed hysterically. Sharp. Wet. Red. Terminal. Screams.

_ I don’t know. But we’re gonna save him-  _

_ He’s terminal! He’s dying! How do we save him when he’s poisening himself- we’ve tried and- _

“Spiderman?” Flash croaked beneath the warring vigilante, blinking unfocusedly at them.

Spiderman stole a breath, shoving the panicking Peter down inside him before responding to the drunk crumpled beneath him.

“Why? Why do you do it?” It only brings pain and then you die- why?

Peter stilled slightly inside him, waiting for Flash’s answer, their heart twisting as if it’d been stabbed with a hot dagger as Flash’s face blurred into Mr. Stark’s in Peter’s mind.

" What?” Flash scowled, huffing another wave of breath onto Spiderman.

“Drink. What drives you to poisen yourself? Do you realize what would have happened tonight if I hadn’t been here to save you? You were powerless against him because you’re too impaired to see two inches in front of you. Do you know what would have happened? Do you?!” Peter came out a little, his voice desperate, begging, seeing only Mr. Stark. Spiderman shoved him down.

“What? Whatever, you saved me-”

Peter stiffened, their heart throbbing, fire pooling in their stomach. He was the one behind the wheel now.

“That’s not enough!” He burst- shouted. Flash flinched, recoiling, hazed eyes widening.

“Wha-” he started, but Peter charged ahead, his voice rising as the emotion burst from him like a broken dam.

“That’s not enough! It’s not enough to wait around and pray for someone to save you because they won’t!” His voice cracked. Broke.

“They won’t and then your all alone drowning in depths so deep you can’t breath and it’s too late to try and learn how to swim. So you sink and you die. Alone. Waiting for someone who’s never going to come.” Tears streaking down Peter’s cheeks, and he couldn’t get enough air through the red mask.

“Spiderman?” Flash gaped dumbly.

But it wasn’t. Spiderman was buried. Or maybe he’d gone. That was fitting. Everyone else had gone. And all that was left beneath the mask was a stupid boy who slowly drowned waiting for someone to save him when no one was coming.

“You can’t wait for someone to save you. You have to save yourself.” Peter mumbled, the words stabbing him, his voice unrecognisable by his tears, salt stinging his toung.

Flash was silent for a moment- an enternity- as Peter fought uselessly to regain control of his emotions.

_ C’mon Spiderman, C’mon Spiderman, please- _

Then, finally, strangely-

“How?”

Silence. Peter was so shocked his panic simply cut off.

“What?”

Flash’s eyes were still glazed, but beneath that they burned with-  _ sincerity? _

“You heard me- how?”

How- he’s asking how to save himself?

Every fiber in Peter’s being longed for it to be a different man asking this question. But no matter how many times he blinked the tears away, it was still his school bully staring up at him with a lost, desperate look twisting his features.

“You-  it won’t work unless you’re willing to fight for it. I can’t make you.”

If only he could. If only he could make Mr. Stark stop- if only-

“I am.”

Oh. 

He wasn’t Mr. Stark. Peter knew that, felt the disapointment of the terrible fact searing every inch of him. He wasn’t Mr. Stark.  But  _ he _ was willing to change. To let Peter in. 

He couldn’t let him drown on his own. He had to try.

“Okay,” He said. “I’ll help you.”

Now Flash seemed to be the surprised one.

“Why?”

Why?

“Because you remind me of someone I can’t save.”

***

Nine hours later, plans to meet the next day made, two webshooters sucessfully out of comission, twenty-three miles through the icy December snow trudged, emotionally dead, Peter stumbled into his alley. Dropping down beside the white coated mound that covered his backpack and pulling his knees to his chest, burying his face in them and praying the captured breath would be enough to unfreeze his eyes to blink.

_ Spiderman? Are you here? Spiderman? _

But he was only Peter. 

Alone.

“Fine. That’s fine. I don’t need you.”  _ Lies. I’m lying. Please… _

“It doesn’t matter if your here or not. I’m going to save them. What happened to May-” His heart stopped. His breath hitched and his eyes filled with tears that froze before they could fall. Like glass. 

“I promise I’ll save him. Flash too. Their going to be okay. I’m going to save them.”

_ Spiderman, whose going to save me? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, okay, yeah, that was really weird and scarily badly written. I feel like I should clarify the whole Peter/Spiderman thing. Their both Peter, but Peter has been through so much (his Parents, Ben, in this story Pepper left,Tony's changed and May, well he's homeless right now and a lot has happened, but I'll share that later:) ) anyway, he's been through so much, that he's not in the best place mentally right now. He has the obvious panic attacks and he's scared. He thinks that Peter Parker can only fail and break everything he touches, that Peter Parker is a curse who kills everyone around him. He thinks Spiderman is the only one who can save those he loves, who can fix this mess. He knows he's Spiderman, but he doesn't exaclty think of it that way. He's almost compartimalized the different aspects that make Peter Parker into two catagories, and seperated them in his head. He thinks the panicky, the stupid, and part that ruins everything is Peter, whereas the part that's brave and knows what to do and doesn't panic is Spiderman. 
> 
> So in this chapter we see him warring with himself about how inadaquet Peter is and how everyone needs Spiderman and yikes, I just realized everything I'v written makes no sense. Sorry guys, I tried.   
> The point is, this dual personality thing WILL be resolved, it's just a part of how broken he is at the begining of this. Anyway, if any of this was confusing, let me know so I can try and write it better or explain it in a way that doesn't sound like I belong in a loony bin:)  
> Have a great night/day, guys!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! I re-wrote it completely about three times today, so I'm really sorry if it's terrible, I tried. I hope you enjoyed it! And I hope you all have beutiful days! If you have any questions about this work, please check my notes, above, I might have answered them, or message me.
> 
> Actually I have a question for you, I am a writer who is not comfortable with using The Lord's name in Vain or swearing or talking about more crude things (and if you are I do not judge or anything, I've got loads of friends who are the most beutiful, sweetest people in the world who swear like saliors so I promise there is no hate here, it's just not what I believe, but anyway, my point:),   
> but I have a slight problem. Next chapter, we're gonna see both Peter and Flash at school and I really want to portrey Flash as close to cannon right now, but I can't have him calling Peter the names he does in the series because I'm not comfortable writing them. Do any of you have any substitute ideas for things he can call Peter? If you do, please send them in the comments, 'cause I really don't know!! 
> 
> Anyway, thank you so much for reading this! I love you all so much!! Have a great day!!


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